Hype is on the way

"I'm John Kerry, and I'm reporting for duty," said the Vietnam veteran with a salute during his acceptance speech last night. Photoshop montage of John Forbes Kerry as John John Kennedy.

"Help is on the way," intoned JFK the Younger last night in what all agreed must be "the speech of his life." Referencing his military service early and often, the former Swift Boat commander shared his vision of a bleak landscape of straw men, which he would topple, one by one, armed only with worn innuendo from the Bush Lied™ arsenal:

I will be a commander in chief who will never mislead us into war. I will have a Vice President who will not conduct secret meetings with polluters to rewrite our environmental laws. I will have a Secretary of Defense who will listen to the best advice of our military leaders. And I will appoint an Attorney General who actually upholds the Constitution of the United States.

Having felled each evil officer of the Bush Army of incompetents, the Truthslayer moved on to the high ground:

Now I know there are those who criticize me for seeing complexities -- and I do -- because some issues just aren't all that simple. Saying there are weapons of mass destruction in Iraq doesn't make it so. Saying we can fight a war on the cheap doesn't make it so. And proclaiming mission accomplished certainly doesn't make it so.

As President, I will ask hard questions and demand hard evidence. I will immediately reform the intelligence system -- so policy is guided by facts, and facts are never distorted by politics. And as President, I will bring back this nation's time-honored tradition: the United States of America never goes to war because we want to, we only go to war because we have to.

We don't criticize him for seeing complexities so much as for seeing things that aren't there. Whatever. Other than an odd reference to "the backdoor draft of National Guard and reservists," his promises fall roughly within the Bush Doctrine of making the world safe for democracy by actively encouraging the spread of democracy in strategic geopolitical regions of the world. Said John John Mr. Kerry:

As President, I will fight a smarter, more effective war on terror. We will deploy every tool in our arsenal: our economic as well as our military might; our principles as well as our firepower.

In these dangerous days there is a right way and a wrong way to be strong. Strength is more than tough words. After decades of experience in national security, I know the reach of our power and I know the power of our ideals . . . We need to make America once again a beacon in the world. We need to be looked up to and not just feared.

"We're turning the corner, and we're not turning back," GW is saying during campaign speech in Springfield, Missouri this morning.

Kerry's sort of got the idea, but he's a little behind the times. Even as GW and the nation are turning the corner, Kerry is scrambling to get up to the starting line. The President is a man of his word, whose strength and resolve have already made America a shining beacon to those -- like our New Europe Coalition-of-the-Willing partners and the newly-free citizens of Afghan and Iraq -- who have known political darkness in their lifetimes and now see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Note: Check out Outside The Beltway for more of The Seven Faces of John Kerry.

Comments

[goomp]

You have it just right today

[flaime]

The President is a man of his word,

Yeah, he promised no American right would be left intact and he's doing his damnedest to make sure he keeps that word.

[Sissy Willis]

Poor little guy. Where's your Mommy?