Paris who? Like us, Baby — above vying for Tuck's lunchtime pb-and-bacon sandwich — never once had the slightest interest in the Hilton heiress who was famous for being famous. Not until we saw her hot, hot, hot "Paris Hilton Presidential Campaign" FunnyorDie.com political spoof the other day. Click here for backstory. Some say her response to John McCain's "Celeb" ad is anti-McCain, but Johnny's hilarious response — not to mention Obama's lame "Whatever" — tells our gut our man comes out on top.
Ariana Huffington is in a huff over John McCain's raising Cain over Barack Obama's obamboozlement of some of the people all of the time. And Paris Hilton's to-the-hilt response to McCain's "Celeb" ad —blogged here, here and here — has got the Huffington woman's panties in a bunch:
With just ninety days left in the election it's come down to this: our energy policy and a good deal of this presidential campaign are being discussed through the lens of Paris Hilton. What a big goof it all is! If you just ignore all the soldiers and civilians dying in the Mideast, and all the millions losing their homes and their jobs at home, you could really see the lighter side of it all.
Her Bush-bashing boilerplate, designed to smear the Republican candidate by association, recalls Nancy Pelosi's battle cry on the eve of the Democrats' big 2006 victory —blogged here — "You must take him down." Ariana's complaint is music to our ears:
It all started with McCain's ad comparing Obama to Britney Spears and Paris Hilton. And then we had Paris Hilton's "response," followed by the McCain camp's response to Paris Hilton: "It sounds like Paris Hilton supports John McCain's 'all of the above' approach to America's energy crisis — including both alternatives and drilling. Paris Hilton might not be as big a celebrity as Barack Obama, but she obviously has a better energy plan."
Who ever thought this election wasn't going to be about the issues?
After lunch Tiny washes her face, lounging on the velvet-upholstered Victorian balloon-back armchair known as "The Throne." Issues? You mean like "When's supper?"
When they start whining that the other side is avoiding "the issues," you know you've hit a nerve.
"Of course, it's not exactly a surprise that the Republican election machine would resort to trying to make the entire election into an issueless sideshow. I mean, what else do they have?" asks the Huffington Post proprietress, seething with schoolgirlish sarcasm:
Instead of the media calling the McCain campaign on its pathetic trivialization of the presidential race, they have been engaging in meaningless horse-race analysis of "did the ad work?" The conventional wisdom appears to be that it did …
But it now appears that the bigger the problems, the more likely it is that they'll be completely ignored. So here we are: huge problems and a correspondingly empty election. It's the politics of nothing.
The McCain camp knows that the only way they can win this election is to turn it into a carnival sideshow.
"The politics of nothing" and "a carnival sideshow." You're projecting again, Ariana.
Update: "I thought, from the minute I saw Paris, that her spot ribbed both candidates, and gave the perfect opening for McCain's clever response," writes our imail correspondent:
We: Yes. I felt it, as I said, in my GUT!!! McCain's humor may be the thing that saves the day.
She: As we know, RATS have no sense of humor or irony. Many Republicans have it in spades, whereas, look at the candidates the RATS have fielded … Dukakis, Kerry, Hillary, Obama … nothing to laugh at there, except their looks. I forgot ALGORE!!!
We: You're right, though. GW has a good sense of humor. So does Poppy.
She: Yes, and OUR RONNIE was TOPS in the humor department. That's why OUR FRED is lookin' good for the VP nod.
Laughter is the best medicine. LOTS better than what Michael Knox Beran in City Journal calls Obama's "charismatic healer-redeemer fable."
Update II: Speaking of spiritual healing, open your eyes to Henry Thoreau's shimmering vision:
Update III: The Doctor — Sanity, of course — is in.