"Fasten your seatbelts. It's going to be a bumpy night," Bette Davis famously announced as the glamorous, worldly wise aging actress Margo Channing in the edgy black-and-white classic "All About Eve." (Anne Baxter, Bette Davis, Marilyn Monroe and George Sanders, above) That was 1950, when a smoke was still a smoke (note inset of Bette with ciggie). In our more "enlightened" age, cigarettes are a no-no, and the quotable quote today might run something like "Throw off your chastity belts. It's going to be a bump-and-grind night." Just ask still-wet-behind-the-ears mother of two, Britney Spears.
"Each generation defines elegance and allure for itself," writes Carol Platt Liebau at The American Spectator, weighing in on the Britney Spears Crotch Story that has trumped Islamofascism and multiculturalism, capturing the nation's imagination during these Armageddon-challenged times:
And certainly, times have changed since the days when Bette Davis personified glamour by smoking a cigarette on screen. But whatever the dangers of smoking, there's something infinitely more exploitative in allowing girls to admire -- and emulate -- young women who see nothing wrong with exposing themselves (in the most literal sense) just to win some cheap notoriety.
Seeing Britney's crotch three days in a row may have turned some stomachs but it worked wonders for my stats. In 2 days I received 10 days worth of traffic! It also worked wonders for my ads bringing in a weeks worth of revenue in just 2 days. Thanks, Britney's crotch.
Tempted as we were by Robert Gale's stats, we hadn't planned to blog about Britney Spears's Crotch until we realized that the story contained, metaphorically, the entire world in a grain of sand. First, we stumbled upon Kerry Howley's "The Hidden Threat of Vaginofascism" at Reason Hit and Run:
For far, far too long, America has gazed upon the specter of vaginofascism with indifference. We saw Lindsay Lohan's -- and did nothing. We saw Paris Hilton's -- and did nothing. Who will next unleash pantiless destruction upon a complacent America? The American Spectator's Carol Liebau knows who: your daughter.
A total hoot and must read. More insight from Liebau in the Spectator:
But older women who fail to speak out about why Spears' and Lohan's behavior is inappropriate and wrong become complicit in it on a much deeper level. By their silence, they are allowing little girls (like they once were) to absorb the destructive message that vulgarity is the same as sexiness, that exhibiting oneself to be stared at or drooled over like a prime cut of meat constitutes "empowerment," and that it's "cool" to flaunt one's sexuality indiscriminately, rather than sharing it with a man who's shown he's interested in more than just another female body.
Then we caught one of our favorite Fox News anchors, the cerebral and courtly Brian Wilson, exchanging war stories with guest Chris Wallace over the tyranny of television producers. Brian was telling Chris that he had no way of stopping his bottom-line-obsessed producers from splashing all things Britney all over his nominally respectable Saturday afternoon show, Weekend Live, even as a preponderance of Brian's email was just saying "NO!" to celebrity trash. Chris noted somewhat superciliously -- it's in the genes, what with his being Mike Wallace's son -- that HIS producers would never dream of doing such a thing on Chris's Sunday morning show. Feeling Brian Wilson's pain, we dashed off an email of support, linking that Reason Hit & Run post:
Appeasement is futile; the only proper response to vaginofascism is total war. Wake up, America, before one more innocent life is lost to the scourge of Lohanian terror.
As an "older" woman, we have now spoken out and look forward to soaring stats. Meanwhile, as we always say, girls just wanna have fun, and that goes for girls of all ages. We were secretly delighted with what one of Fox News's toothesome blonde correspondents told an uncomprehending Brian -- it's a Venus vs. Mars thing, no doubt -- working around the story line in defense of Britney's behavior:
You have to admit she does look pretty good for just having had a couple of kids.
Not to mention the men who are clicking in droves on all things Britney Spears Crotch. Like everything else, it's Darwinian.
Update: Pajamas Media links.
Update II: Next morning we notice our stats are soaring, not because of Britney's Crotch per se, but rather, it would appear, because of that good word from Pajamas Media. Only a handful of Britney-related Google searches lead to sisu [the story is, by cyberspace standards, old news by now]. Instead, hundreds and hundreds of readers have visited us on the advice of PJM, whose headline writer tempts readers with the irresistible "The Underwear-less Revolution."
Update III: Vote for sisu in the 2006 Weblog Awards HERE!