"That is how he or she is, that's just her/him"

Tiny and her brother don't get along, and yet it's not a problem. When interfeline relations get overheated, she can always retreat to the top of the shower stall (above) to cool down.

"I certainly do not mean to seem pollyannaish about hoping that relatives can get along," writes Dr. Helen in a remarkably personal and insightful post on the ties that bind. In a heartfelt homage to her father that pulls no punches, she writes poignantly of what "he taught me about relationships, mathematics and forgiveness," noting that her professional practice has taught her that "family discord can set the stage for a lifetime of pain and depression":

We would sometimes chat about other family members and I would comment to him why I felt upset with one or another of them. My father never became ruffled about his family and had what seemed to me an endless supply of love for us. If someone in the family had hurt him in some way, he would often shrug and say, that is how he or she is, that's just her/him. I could tell he loved each of his kids unconditionally, while overlooking all of our flaws -- and I know we had some!

We were reminded, of course, of our own Goomp, but also of a powerful filial post by blog friend neo [née neo-neocon] re her elderly mother's recent struggle, following a stroke, with the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. Of her ninety-one-year-old mom she says "My mother is an intelligent and outspoken woman who, even now, exudes a sort of life force, an energy that comes across as much younger than her years":

Pretty early on I decided to give up on my mother's having a positive attitude -- the main thing was to just get her to do it -- whatever the "it" might be at the moment. For example, when she was in the rehab facility, she developed the habit of telling the physical therapists she didn't feel up to her exercises right now and to come back later. The therapists informed me that, if she declined too many days in a row, Medicare would stop paying for rehab and she'd be out on her ear and in a nursing home, utterly dependent. Knowing my mother, I decided to tell her. Her reaction? "Okay then, I'll cooperate."

My mother's recuperative powers were starting to take hold almost in spite of herself. Although her attitude problem remained, it turned out that some of the staff really enjoyed her sarcasm and her refusal to sugarcoat the situation. By the time she left the place, after two long months, she had many friends who were going to miss her.

As Goomp is forever reminding us, old age is not for the faint of heart, or something like that. We just asked him about it, but he couldn't remember. Are we projecting again? We had been going to blog about Dr. Helen's post earlier today but got wrapped up in wrapping presents and strung up on stringing lights.

Tiny finds the proper use of a box full of Christmas-tree lights.

We got back to Dr. Helen this afternoon when we were studying the entrails of our blog in the Site Meter stats. For some reason, we had a minilanche of visits via Dr. H's earlier post -- "Liberalism as Socially Motivated Cognition" -- wherein she had happened to link our own humble blog. Since that particular post was linked by Opinion Journal's James Taranto today, we were enjoying the reflected glory in our "numbers." Speaking of numbers, we got our first Pajamas Media check today. It's the root of all evil, and we're loving it.

Comments

[Helen Smith]

Thanks for the nice post--no getting older is not for the faint of heart--that's for sure. Love your kitty.

[mary barbara]

Hi Sissy,

Birthday card enroute - sorry its late! It got buried while I wrote papers for finals.

In your post you reference a check from Pajamas Media and then add - "It's the root of all evil..." the actual passage from the Bible indicates it is the "love" of money that is the root of all evil, not money itself. I think this is an important distinction because nothing is truly free - there is a price for everything. Honest people engaged in fair trade should either pay or receive payment for their work. Whether it comes in the form of US dollars or a drink on the patio is up to those who involved in the deal.

[enrevanche]

Ah, the sweetest-sounding words in the English language...

"Pay to the order of..."

Glad to hear that some actual checks are getting cut, and I hope it'll pay for a nice bottle of New Year's Eve bubbly!

[Michael]

Hi Sissy,

I just turned 50 and, quite honestly, it sucks. But I try to remember that my mother would have been overjoyed to turn 50--she died at 48 of liver cancer. But I am graciously blessed in many ways, so I am trying to get a better perspective on aging.

And....as pointed out above, it is the LOVE of money, not money itself, etc etc etc, you know the passage.

Merry Christmas to you. Enjoy the check, just don't fall in love with it!